QUESTION
There are times when I get overwhelmed by everything coming at me, and I just want someone to tell me what to do. There’s too much information. I get stuck in the overwhelm and can’t find my way.
ANSWER
When you have too much input coming at you, you must recognize that it is temporary.
Under pressure, it is what you practice most that will inform the actions you take. If that is panic, you panic. If that is finding ways to gain perspective, you start looking for the anchors.
No man is great enough or wise enough for any of us to surrender our destiny to. The only way in which anyone can lead us is to restore to us the belief in our own guidance. — Henry Miller, American writer
When confronted with the initial jitters of change—reorganization, downsizing, losing a client, a new relationship, a second career, a change in scope—our first thoughts are never our fault. We might feel uncertain, unworthy, like an imposter, scared, frustrated, resentful, and even excited. Thoughts and feelings run through us when we experience stress, of any kind.
First, we process stress physically. We seldom listen to our bodies, but we have a powerful instrument giving us data all the time. Pay attention to physical sensations: jitters, butterflies, nausea, panic, sweat, irregular breathing, or tightness in neck, back, etc.
Second, our minds race as we process thoughts intellectually. How do we have so many thoughts, so quickly? We select data in these moments of stress, data that might not serve us in taking the best action. From this data we make assumptions. These assumptions inform conclusions. Our conclusions evolve into (perhaps, misguided) beliefs. Those beliefs inform the choices we make.
Ultimately, when we experience stress, we “believe” we start with the feeling, in this case, overwhelm. This is how we emotionally experience stress. But we bypassed our physical sensations. We actually went through several physical sensations first. Then our minds raced with thoughts, assumptions, conclusions, and beliefs before arriving at feeling overwhelmed. And it all happened in about 3 seconds!
Physical sensations, a rush of thoughts, and emotional flooding are three signs that we might be jumping to an incorrect conclusion. In the midst of this furry, being your own guide is about finding ways to create stillness within.
A compassionate and understanding response to this behavior is to understand that our first thoughts are never our fault. They are a function of our defense mechanisms, which are years in the making. Our next thoughts, however, are up to us.
Everyone needs techniques to help define their goals and maintain momentum. This is as true for experiencing stress in a single moment as it is for larger life goals. Without deliberate practice, development can take years of trial and error. Accelerate your personal and professional transformation by cultivating a practice of self-reflection. Use the guides and prompts in this book as a start. Incorporate small experiments into your day-to-day.
MORE THOUGHTS…
If you follow the voice inside you, it does give you guidance.
— Gloria Steinem, American feminist, journalist, and social political activist
Your automatic guidance system cannot guide you when you're standing still.
— Maxwell Maltz, American cosmetic surgeon and author
Nothing is impossible when we follow our inner guidance, even when its direction may threaten us by reversing our usual logic.
— Gerald Jampolsky, American author
You have to become very still and listen while your inner voice—the very essence of you—tells you who you are. You'll know you've found it when every cell in your body practically vibrates; when you're filled up by what you're doing instead of being drained by it.
— Oprah Winfrey, American media executive, actress, talk show host, television producer and philanthropist.
REMEMBER
To cope with momentary stress or that of larger goals, commit to a practice. Investing in developing muscle memory pays off in better performance and smarter choices under pressure. Practice helps you process much of the "static of life” with greater skill.
PRACTICE
If guidance is what you are looking for, look within, first. The questions you ask, and how you ask them directs the way you think:
Momentary goals: How can I handle overwhelm? Stop. Observe your sensations, thoughts and feelings. Question your assumptions, conclusions, and beliefs.
Larger goals: Am I ready for a promotion? What will it take to get promoted? Get past the “checklist” of skills required and start looking at your temperament and ability to work with others. As you move up, measurement of trust, transparency, rapport are all subjective.
CONNECT
Talk to a friend or trusted colleague about specific ways in which you can learn to be a better guide to yourself. Seek feedback from mentors and coaches on how you show up and what you can work on to be more effective.
REFLECT
If you keep a journal for your own development, write your thoughts about what “voice” speaks to you at times you need direction. How did you learn from missteps? What skills do you wish to learn in the future?
To perform well while under pressure, we need to train our minds to work more effectively. Making the right decisions, whether that is hashing out how artificial intelligence will evolve or ensuring naval ships are ready on time takes practice.
Driving Results With Others: A pocket guide for learning on the job enables you with all the tools and tactics you need to make your interactions less stressful and more effective.